The last couple of years have involved a multitude of changes for myself and my family, the biggest and most obvious would be adding another baby to our family, but more than that, there has been what feels like a constant minutia of change. Like a river flowing through our household washing away bits and pieces of each of us, rounding us out, hardening us in some spots and softening us in other parts. Some changes have been a welcome respite, the utter relief when a baby begins to consistently sleeps through the night is equivalent to that gasp of air after having your head held under water. You promise yourself you'll never take that sleep for granted again, and yet, two days later, you've already moved on to worrying about your next challenge. Other changes have been unexpected, giant shifts in relationships, forcing me to take deep dives into myself, examining my motives, questioning my intentions and those around me. They've not been noticeable to others or resolved easily and instead have left gaping holes in my heart as I've grappled with piecing myself together again.
Time and again, I've been taught that "the change" will always work to my benefit if I can lean into it, succumb to it and let it teach me. The trick in that process is in giving up control. Giving up my script of events. Giving up what I think I know I want and turning it over to God. Allowing His plan to be my plan.
While I've learned this lesson over and over again, I still amaze myself with my ability to resist. My ability to try to force my own ideas, wants and wishes onto the situation. And yet...there is always a yet, when I succumb, when I am flexible in the outcome, it's always better than the one I had scripted to begin with.
I'm currently walking into some headwinds of change. I'm anticipating the growing pains. I'm nervously optimistic at what could become and I'm deliberately choosing the course of change. I'm certain there be moments of sheer terror as I leave my comfort zone, but I'm also certain of the victories that will follow, because this far into it, I know. I cannot yield different results with the same actions. I know that change is always the way.
Today, I sit in this moment, the calm before the storm. Dotting my i's and crossing my t's, so to speak, and I can't help but be grateful for all the changes previous. The changes that knocked me off my feet, that took my breath away, that left me broken and bruised, I never thought I'd be thankful for them and yet, they've taught me that change, while uncertain and often times difficult, has this sweet reward at the end. This sweet swell of accomplishment, where you take a moment, look back and think to yourself, "I did that."
Whatever 'change' or perhaps 'challenge' you're facing this week, may you surprise yourself at the end with your fortitude, ingenuity and strength. It is this willingness to adjust yourself, that will make the changes down the road a welcome sign, because you know you can do it. You know you can carry it, you know you can solve it and you know getting through the other side is a sweet sweet victory.
Hi, I'm Amy. When I'm not scouring the valley for the perfect new house, you can usually find me in the kitchen with a gaggle of kids. Chips, salsa and a Diet Coke are usually in hand.